Our closest relationships have the power to bring us our greatest sense of comfort, joy, and connection—but they can also become the place where we feel the most hurt, alone, and vulnerable.
When we are children, our parents or caregivers serve as our safe haven—the people we turn to for comfort, reassurance, and support. As adults, our primary attachment figures become our partners. We want to know: Are you there for me? Will you come when I call? Do my needs matter to you?
When relationships become painful, we can find ourselves doing the very things that make connection harder. Through defensiveness, unrepaired hurt, misunderstandings, and unsuccessful attempts to communicate our feelings and needs, we may begin protecting ourselves from the person we most long to feel close to. We may criticize, shut down, pursue, withdraw, become defensive, or stop reaching for one another altogether—all while still deeply longing to feel loved and connected.
Couples therapy can help you find your way back to each other.
In my work with couples, I utilize two of the leading, research-based approaches in couples therapy: The Gottman Method and Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy. Together, these approaches give us a clear map for understanding your relationship, identifying where you are stuck, and helping you create meaningful, lasting change.
A healthy attachment bond is accessible, responsive, and engaged. In other words, both partners can learn to feel confident that their relationship is a place where they can turn toward one another for comfort, support, and connection.
The goal is not to become completely independent of one another. Healthy relationships involve mutual dependence—the ability to lean on one another while still maintaining a strong sense of self. Together, we work toward helping you become a safe haven and secure base for each other: people who can turn toward one another during difficult moments, celebrate together, and feel secure in the knowledge that you are loved well.
We Begin by Understanding Your Relationship
You have both lived full lives, and your relationship has its own unique history. Before jumping into interventions, I want to take the time to truly understand you—both as individuals and as a couple.
We begin with a thorough four- to five-session assessment designed to give me a full picture of your relationship and help us identify the areas where you are thriving, as well as where you may be feeling stuck or disconnected.
Using The Gottman Method, we explore many important aspects of your relationship, including:
- the strength of your friendship and connection
- how well you know each other’s inner worlds
- trust and commitment
- your shared values and dreams
- how you communicate during conflict
- your ability to repair after difficult moments
- your individual and shared emotional worlds
- the patterns that leave you feeling hurt, disconnected, or alone
- if defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling are present in your relationship
This assessment helps us create a clear understanding of your relationship and develop an intentional plan for where we want to go.